I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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