im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
