Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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