sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
