Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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