i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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