just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize