i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
