we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
