new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
