My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
