I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
