Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
