I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
