Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
