my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
