I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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