Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Randomize
