I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize