why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize