just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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