he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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