So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
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