It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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