I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
