i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
