I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
