I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize