Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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