it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am naked and annoyed.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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