i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
