took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
