Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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