He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
