my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
