so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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