he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
