So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
