Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
