i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
