Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
