Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
