it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
