So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
