i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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