How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
