Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
