feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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