im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize