and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
