OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
