when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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