I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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