Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
