i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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