the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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