HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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