She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I look better un-naked...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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