remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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