the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
