The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
