my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
