Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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