He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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