bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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