i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
