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Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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